Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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