I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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