i wish starbucks made bloody marys
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
