I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
