saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Your cock deserves a montage
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
