My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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