yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
