I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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