I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
