I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
