Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize