I want to make a zoo with you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
