no, he came in my armpit
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
