my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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