Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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