I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
