I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
