You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
