I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
