she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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