My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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