Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Screwed.edu
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
