I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
