office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He has the fingertips of a God
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