why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
