my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
