Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
