She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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