So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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