Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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