My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
