respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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