It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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