Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
