I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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