My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
