I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
