We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
