and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have fence marks all over my body
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
