Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
