dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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