best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
