She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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