i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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