low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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