A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
