we made out on top of his cat.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
