Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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