she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
