I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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