hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
