Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
