even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize