The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
