Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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