I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
