you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
