So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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