I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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