i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
