what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
