Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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