My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
