The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
