Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize