Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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