It's like a parade of train wrecks.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
