I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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