I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
