It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize