Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
